Quiet Time

Denise Said

This weekend we snuck away for 36 hours for some quiet time - just the two of us. Two nights away are a must, you have said, so that we have all day on Saturday to decompress. Thirty-six hours is a short time but I do feel more like my old self again and that’s a treat. (I’m glad we squeezed it in before opera rehearsals start.) A French dinner out, two yummy breakfasts out, a sunny walk across Center Bridge, lunch from the farmer’s market back at the room - and no dishes, all makes me feel like a queen again – your queen. My energy is back for a while.

I love the place you chose and thank you for making the arrangements. Stockton was the perfect close-to-home-get-away. You chose Stockton and the inn there because a friend mentioned the farmer’s market in Stockton on weekends selling lots of locally-made products. I knew this would be a weekend of good food. One of your favorite things.

At the farmer’s market you were attracted to the chocolate table almost instantly. The hot chocolate (like European drinking chocolate the man said) was the best! It reminded me of your yummy chocolate custards. You had a few tastes of free chocolate nibbles and we bought a hot chocolate mix and some truffles for your birthday, which is next week. While you wandered around to peruse the many tables of delectable cheese, Rise bread, fresh meat, really amazing mushrooms, handmade alpaca socks, and greenhouse grown produce, I went and looked around at the beautiful art in the gallery next door.

It’s funny I didn’t know what to do with myself with no schedule. Free time is not a common thing right now for us. But in the middle of the quietness on Saturday I felt a great love for the life that we have created, even in all its complexities. I love our children, I love our marriage, I love our home, I love the things we do with our family. I knew the kids were fine and having a good time. I never worried about them. I missed them a little I have to admit.

We had a fireplace in our room, a first for us. You were very attracted to the fireplace, like the chocolate. Fire is an element we need more of in our life. You love to make fires in the back yard and sit a bask in the heat, you love to make a fire on the grill and cook meat. It was wonderful to feel the fire (even if it was made from one of those fake pine logs) and just sit in front of it and just be. The quiet time was wonderful. Thank you.

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Max Said

Having these quiet times are the equivalent of meditating for our relationship. In gives us the time to step back and gain perspective on where we are in our journey together, to take stock of the things that are truly important to us and to make some choices on where to put our energies so that we move toward the future we want.

Neither of us are all that good at making time for individual meditation - just does not seem like there is enough space in all the chaos and clamor that is our day-to-day life with three vibrant kids at three wonderfully different stages in their lives. Or perhaps we just don't know how to start? I am glad that we, as we usually do, make our relationship enough of a priority to at least take these little retreats for some relationship-level meditation. I think, however, each of us carving out time to pull back and find quiet on our own on a regular basis would be a worthy pursuit.

It's interesting how these times away have shifted for us over the years. Early on, they were largely focused on sex. We would have elaborate games planned, try new and experimental things, etc... But now, while the intimacy is still important and, I think, sweeter than ever, the time spent just being and soaking in each other's presence in silence is the most precious part. Being able to complete a conversation or thought, even a series of thoughts, without interruption and all the special, simple things about being just a couple again for a brief time are what nourish me the most.

And fire, yes, that is a missing element in our lives at this point. As clichéd as it sounds, these little getaways are at some level about keeping the spark in our relationship. So it seems appropriate that our little faux fires this weekend were so attractive to us. Just basking in the modest heat and watching the flames dance was both restorative and energizing. Metaphorically as well, having a bit more fire in our way of being, both individually and in our relationship would be a good thing. I think we both have smoldering desires and passions that need to get some oxygen and burst out into the world a bit more. Let's get some more candles and keep them burning to remind us!

I love you deeply and am so very grateful for our quiet time this past weekend. Let's do it again, sooner!