Happy Anniversary With Gratitude

Max Said

23 years of marriage…  Well that’s the official number, but I think we’ve been married at the soul level for more like 25.  Anyway, wow!

This has been a powerful week for us as a couple and I am mostly just overwhelmed with gratitude for having had you in my life for all of these years.  It feels like we are always learning new things about one another and the relationship that we share.  We never stop growing, as individuals and as a couple.

I think one of the most profound lessons that has come to the surface in a new way for me this week is the importance of gratitude.  For reasons that I have talked about in previous blog posts, we, as a culture, tend to spend a good portion of our energy on wanting.  Wanting things, wanting experiences, wanting new relationships, wanting our partners to change to better suit our needs, etc.  The problem here is that in the end we inevitably end up wanting something that is out of our reach and therefore live with the feeling that something is missing, that we cannot truly be happy and satisfied.

Gratitude shifts this whole paradigm.  When we stop and consciously take inventory of all the many blessings that we are showered with in our lives and say “Thank You” for these blessings, we are magically transported to true happiness with where and who we are.  Because gratitude is a conscious choice in terms of interpreting the same circumstances that we could also find wanting, it is the secret key to inner-directed happiness.

And that is the other drawback with the wanting way of being.  It depends on external things, people or circumstances for happiness.  All of these are necessarily transient and often fleeting.  How many times do you witness yourself or others obtaining some coveted thing or circumstance only to realize that it was not exactly what we thought it would be, or quickly grow bored of it and move on to the next want.

With unconditional gratitude the nexus of our happiness is shifted inwards.  When we make the choice to be grateful, we are on the path of inner happiness.

So let me say, on this day to celebrate our amazing marriage, with the deepest sincerity and emotion, that I am grateful for you my love.  I am grateful for your smile, your spirit, your unconditional love, your laughter, and the laughter you bring to me, for your unparalleled mothering, for your passionate nature, for your love of flowers, and beauty of all kinds, from the domestic to the rare, for the loving care you shape our home with, and for your acceptance of all that I am over all these years…  I am grateful for so many more things that I cannot begin to list here.

I truly love you Denise.  Thanks for another year of your love.

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Denise Said



Happy Anniversary Maxwell! The years go by quickly (we realized today that it’s been two years already and the van has to be inspected again) and sometimes they mingle together that I can’t remember one year from another.  This anniversary will always have a signpost next to it in my memory though as the year we went to Longwood Gardens by ourselves and meandered through the delightful gardens on a hot and sunny day.  It was the same kind of weather as our wedding day actually and the day even felt like a renewal of vows in a simple way. I felt grateful to walk hand in hand, finding surprises at every turn:  The Pierre DuPont Building courtyard took my breath away as I entered the room, the Italian fountain garden transported us to Italy for a while, the tunnel of rose arbors in full pink bloom where we asked someone to take our photo, the Copper  Beeches we sat under to take a break from the sun, the overwhelming fragrance of the lilies in the lily extravaganza room, the majesty of the topiaries, and reflections in the water lily ponds. Then to come home to a tasty grilled chicken picnic dinner the kids made for us with homemade crème brulee for dessert made me even more thankful for what we’ve created together in our life with our family. I feel no need of want.

The shadows, the colors, the smells, the tastes, the heat, the sun, wove a beautiful tapestry of gratitude for me on this our 23rd married year together.  Thank you for being my devoted and dear husband in this life. As you said to me in your card, “I think we’re getting the hang of it.” I love you too.

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The Original Quickie

Denise Said

It seems I still have a lot to learn about the nuances of marriage and it’s something that needs tending every day. I hope you will forgive me for bringing up our late-night conversation again, but I think it bears documentation.  What else does a late night drawn-out conversation involve other than love making? While it was difficult to hear that you feel “bankrupt” with nothing left to give and that sometimes a quickie is really what you want, and not having to take care of me sexually, I was proud of you telling me how you felt. This seems like a huge step for both of us, since I’m the one usually doing the talking.  Part of the reason I love to be with you is that you are a wonderful sensitive lover and you play me like an instrument.  But sometimes I think you’ve created a monster in me too, in that I have such high expectations and I know what you are capable of creating between us. That’s a lot of upkeep and sometimes quickies would be perfect, I totally understand. (I do actually like quickies.)  I have nothing against any of your requests and we both acknowledged that our life is extremely complicated right now which in general is adding to our angst in lack of time for sex.

This made me think about the evolutionary differences in men and women and a realationship call I listened in on with Alison Armstrong . Alison spoke about the physical differences in the male and female eyes. Men have eyes that see more like a predator out for the kill – straight ahead - and women have eyes that see as both predator, and the prey, using also peripheral vision.  This is very apparent in driving. A man is driving. His wife is in the passenger seat. She screams out that he’s going to hit something along the side of the road, and from her point of view it looks like that. He on the other hand thinks that his wife doesn’t trust him. Trust is a huge thing with men. They want to know they are trusted totally. Anyway a ping-pong argument usually starts simply because of physical difference in the way men and women see the world.

After our talk last night I woke up thinking more about these differences. What if our dilemma sexually is also simply a physical one and not something to take so personally and make into a long and drawn out discussion about?  I started to think along the lines of Leonard Shlain. In his book Sex Time and Power : How Women’s Sexuality Shaped Human Evolution he talks about  how there are no female mammals besides human females that have orgasms (there seem to be some monkey species that enjoy sex and that is a research project for another day for me to dig back into that book.)   This got me thinking.  Most of the male species mount the female and get their procreation business over within seconds, afterwards leaving the female to continue on with whatever task she was doing.  The original quickie. It’s evolutionally in men to Wham Bam Thank You Mam!

Shlain’s argument gets more complicated when he gets into the nitty gritty early makings of the idea of caveman marriage when the early female of our species started to piece together how babies were made,  and then the women did something drastically new…… they said NO to sex.  Men now had to do a song and dance and court women to get them to have sex with them. And the women now wanted the men to prove that if they got their way with them, the men would stick around and help care for any children created and also help feed her and them, since she now was in the role of caregiver. Shlain’s theory gets more and more intricate and I could not do justice to his careful research and his quite amazing insights, but I do think there is something to his thoughts in how we evolved as male and female. We did arrive at the conclusion that quickies have their place, as do long-drawn out I’m-here-to-stay sexual encounters.  It’s that Ying and Yang thing again.  XO

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Max Said


I definitely agree that we have learned a few valuable lessons about relating over the last week…
I think you have illuminated one of them very well.  Men and women just plain have different wiring when it comes to sex.  If we don’t recognize, embrace and celebrate these differences, then we are missing something important.  Vive la différence!

The other thing is more about uncovering a part of my personality.  I have a hard time asking for what I want.  I am happy to give to you selflessly and leave my own needs out of the picture.  When it comes time for putting my wants and desires out there, I’d just as soon pass.  So it was a big step for me to tell what I was feeling about sex.  I know it was all my own doing that I was not getting my quickie quota :)

And finally, after a week of swinging the pendulum pretty far over to the quickie side, the final thing that I have learned is that balance is good.  While I am the most satisfied in our intimacy when both of us are fully engaged and we share a perfect moment of transcendent rapture, the occasional wham-bam is a good thing as well.  It keeps us balanced, and it keeps us connected.

We Are the Architects of Our Passions

Denise Said


I have so much to say. Where to start? I’ll just dive in and start blabbing. This week’s Facebook thread of a status update that I made several days ago is still going on. I made a comment about how I had overheard an argument between a man and a woman in town and the man couldn’t get a word in edgewise because the woman was cursing him out. I didn’t stay to listen but left feeling sad that I hear these kinds of one-sided fights so often. The whole thing felt yucky for the man who sat and just took what was dealt to him. So in my Born-on-the-Day-of-the-Outspoken-Spokesperson-May 8th frame of mind, which comes easily to me, I made the comment on Facebook saying that women need to lay off men and appreciate their good qualities instead. There was no response at first except from Fred wishing I had a sister who wasn’t taken. I didn’t check Facebook for a couple days being away in Selinsgrove for Grandma’s 90th birthday. When I did, what a lot of responses were in the thread! Some women got my point, some didn’t, and probably won’t. Some were very adamant about how wrong I was and wrote several times. I was wishing as I read the responses that I had a brilliant anecdote to share from Alison Armstrong’s relationship call that Karen and I went on a couple weeks ago. Alison Armstrong, relationship guru, talked about how a couple still can be on their honeymoon after many years of marriage, how many women are Frog Farmers and turn Princes into Frogs, and how men are just great! When I went on a website of hers and read an article she wrote I was blown away by something a friend of hers told her when she was starting her journey of balancing the feminine and masculine within herself. The friend said, “I'm not asking this for you. I'm asking you to stop castrating men because I believe when women stop castrating men, men will give us everything we ever wanted. Including peace and the end of hunger."

I have within myself this yearning to make the world a better place and many passions in which to do that: my passion for family, my passion for homeschooling, my passion of childbirth, my passion of creating a home, and most importantly my passion for you and our marriage. I have so much to share about my passion for you, and how we created a happy marriage. I just don’t know always how to go about sharing it verbally and sometimes it comes out all wrong.

All the hard work I’ve done to change how I am in the marriage came into play Saturday morning when you said you couldn’t go to Selingsgrove to see Grandma. The work emergency that kept you up all night Friday still needed you. When you said you couldn’t go it was so hard for me and I was instantly reminded of my post. “Ok Denise you better live your post and appreciate your man and not start reaming him out.” I thought of Cora and how she has been sharing her need to be a grown-up in her marriage. I too haven’t always been so grown up, wanting you to do my bidding, like a child. So I said “Okay. I’m going by myself, with Miranda and Stephen. I‘ve gotta see my brother” and got into Cape Cod mom-mode and drove the three hours on the highways with little sleep to Grandma’s house. (Uncle Dave was truly surprised that I even did it, he said.) I thought of how I can really be more than I sometimes think I can. I kept telling myself to Let it Go. Let it Be. I started to transform as I said the words and I did it and enjoyed my time with family and just let it be without trying to control every aspect. We can be the architect of our passions and our lives by getting clear about our vision, letting go of what it will look like, and taking action. Along the way the sweetest hugs and kisses are there waiting for us.

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Max Said


What you say is powerful, inspiring and wise, my love. I know it seems that writing this blog dialogue seems like a small thing and it is not always clear where it is going, but it forces me to take the time to step back and process things. I just won’t get to doing this without some form of discipline to keep me on track. I know I have been negligent recently, and I think this has been a mistake – yeah, I know things have been crazy and it has just seemed impossible, but I see the benefit to both of us in just moving forward one blog at a time.

I read some little silly quip tacked on to the end of someone’s e-mail that said, “The New Busy think 9 to 5 is a cute idea.” This really pissed me off. I have long suspected that the pressure to work more and more is part of the plot to keep the people complacent and separated. If we spend all of our time at work, we do not have any time or energy to really step back and consider why we are spending all of our time at work, who is really benefitting from our labor, and why we are not really moving anywhere in our lives. I bring this up because it has been kind of true for me over the last couple of weeks. With the extra work put into dealing with an extended crisis at work, I was left feeling drained and constantly feeling like I needed to do more work, that I was not getting it done, etc. And not taking even the small amount time out to step back and write this blog, which seems trivial, took a toll.

The other drawback to not having the time to reflect is that it makes the first step in your three step plan for being the architects of our own passions very hard. Without clarity on our vision, it’s very hard to take the next steps. That clarity can only come from finding quiet time to look within. I guess it’s important to still take some steps in the general direction of where you feel lead to go, and that’s where letting go of how you think it should look comes in to play, but it does make it harder to not have the space to get in touch with your inner guidance system.

Also, working on our relationship takes time and energy. It is time and energy that I very much want to spend with you, or doing things for you. It makes me frustrated and sad when I come up empty at the end of a particularly stressful work week.

Hmm, I guess this blog entry is basically turning into a gripe session :) Not really what I had intended.

What I do know is that I am truly grateful for you my darling wife, best friend, soul-mate, miraculous mother of our children, lover, playmate and all around favorite person in the whole world! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being who you are.

Life Has Seasons

Max Said

Life has seasons. I am not sure where this concept came from, something we read at some point, but I am mindful of this idea as we come into spring this year. The key point that this metaphor highlights is that things are always changing. When we are at a challenging point in our lives and things seem overwhelming, it is a comfort to remember that it is the natural course of things to change. And it is my belief that focusing on positive things and growth shapes this change in a positive direction. Also, when things are wonderful, it is OK to let go of the exact details of the moment and allow for something even more incredible to come into our lives. Often by clinging to the recreation of some happy time in our lives we stifle our own growth and limit the possibilities.

We have been through quite a few seasons together and that is nice thing to have in common. We had our courtship season full of all the sweet newness of getting to know one another, our newlywed season, our growing up together season, our new parents season, our parents of two season, our parents of three season, and now I think we are in our self-rediscovery season. It is a bit of challenge, I think for us to be moving into this new season of reconnecting with ourselves while still very much being in the parents of three season. But it’s a season and it will change, and it has its own wonder and joy to be savored as well.

It is in the acceptance and enjoyment of each season as it is happening that contentment lies. Looking back at previous seasons, we often feel nostalgic for that simpler time, or some aspect of that past time. However, when in the midst of the past season we may have felt restless, frustrated and ready to move out of the season. So, although it is not always easy and I am not always able to maintain a completely positive outlook, I think it is really important to enjoy the season we are in and savor its own type of sweetness and to look at what it has to teach us. For it is out of this optimistic and grateful space that we can create the next seasons to be what will be best for our happiness and growth.

I also like this metaphor because it ties our lives to the natural world that cycles through its stunning transformations year after year. Getting out into our little backyard and taking care of it little by little, year after year is very gratifying each spring when it bursts into life a bit more beautiful for our tending and nurturing – much like our relationship and our family life.

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Denise Said


The little bit by little bit part is an idea that I’ve been mulling over lately. Only I’ve been calling it brick by brick. I remember thinking in the newlywed season that we were building a foundation for our marriage to stand upon. My figuratively-speaking vision of our marriage was to build a strong foundation. Some of the bricks were strong, and the correct brick shape, and some had cracks that we needed to either cement together again, or just take out of the foundation and replace with a new brick finally after trying things that didn’t work. The phrase “Rome wasn’t built in a day” is true. It was a process building it a little bit at a time.

As we continue to build each day, I like the seasonal reminders to see how far we’ve come. Eighteen years ago around the middle of April we conceived our first baby. When the daffodils open (or tax day arrives) this seasonal reminder of “Look how far we’ve come” or “Look at what we’ve built” emerges with those blossoms. It also reminds me of how grateful I am to not be pregnant and nauseous too, yet I have to say that even through those really difficult months tremendous growth happened for me, for us. It was a major change of season. There’s always upheaval around a season of change and it often doesn’t feel good. That’s the metamorphosis process. Sometimes it’s nice to look back from where’ve been to the here and take stock how much we’ve built brick-by-brick, little bit by little bit.

Max, it does make me happy that you are making a conscious effort to enjoy the season you are in right now, although it might be one of your more challenging ones. So much shifts in ourselves with acceptance and we enjoy the season we are in all the more.

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Partners vs Cowboys

Denise Said

I hate it when we fight, not that our stressed moment was a full blown fight like in yesteryear. Of course this tense, curt moment was about the same thing – money. I feel better, a little, knowing that money is the number one issue couples fight over. (Oprah Magazine said so anyway.) I am happy to say we have moved forward in our arguing technique and recognized its pattern and stop ourselves from going too deep into the throes of blame, yelling, and stomping off. We have been trying hard to not go into our same old pattern and I knew when I started this little fight I shouldn’t have been talking about this issue in 1) the dark 2 )lying in bed, or 3) when we’re tired. We both agreed a couple of years ago to discuss finances 1) sitting up 2) not in our bedroom, and 3) emotions checked at the door.

The next morning I was still annoyed and got up quickly and left the room. You went into your office. We had taken our corners. I sat downstairs for a while in the quiet and thought. I just let the quiet seep into me, and re-thought about my issues. I decided I needed to communicate in some way with you so I made you a cup of tea, my usual white flag, and brought it upstairs to you, said, “Good Morning. We’ll talk later.” You smiled an appreciative smile and I left, starting to feel the healing happening between us already.

We talked later that day, or else the next morning, it’s all a blur now, but we were sitting up and downstairs. I was able to say what I needed to say without blame or emotions blocking my words. You heard me and we felt like partners again instead of cowboys ready for high noon wondering who was going to be gunned down first.

Later I was reminded of something helpful that Liz Gilbert wrote in her new book Committed. She, and her then fiancé, Jose, were traveling around Bali. He was under great stress about being deported and they were awaiting news when he could come back into the States so they could get married. They started arguing on a bus and shortly into the argument Jose, a seasoned man in his 50s, said something like this to Liz. “Let’s be very careful what we say in the next few minutes. Let’s not say anything we’ll regret.” The quiet power of saying less. It gives our emotions time to settle down and our mind silence to regroup our thoughts, and reconsider what’s really important - being right or accepting each other.

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Max Said

I think our tiff is yet another great example of how we shape our own reality. On the one hand when we attempted to discuss the financial issue in front of us with charged emotions and from a perspective of being right, it was an extremely negative, divisive moment that left us both feeling isolated, misunderstood and underappreciated. When we were able to let things sit, remove the emotion and come a place of mutual acceptance, we supported each other to move through the issue and grow. The issue did not change, but our thoughts and way of being around it certainly did.

I am coming to understand that making these shifts in perspective, and coming from a place of gratitude and acceptance are at the core of a successful relationships. Indeed, these tools are also an important part of having a fulfilled and happy life. I think that when you care deeply about another person and have built the foundation of trust, gently nudging each other through these paradigm shifts is what makes a relationship not only functional but an engine for positive growth for both partners. We are blessed to have reached this point and to have this benefit.

Without a loving life partner, I would think it would be much harder to see outside one’s personal box at times. Without the mirror of your words and reactions, I would not have easily seen how I was playing out a self-sabotaging script around money. We will go much further as partners than we would as lone cowboys :)

On Being an Only Child

Max Said

We went to a baby shower for Amirah today, the latest baby addition on the Goodale side who came into the world a little on the early side. It was a small family gathering with a few additional close friends. Andy, the father, was also an only child and hearing him talk about the importance of family to him and how grateful he was to have been accepted into the Goodale clan got me to thinking about my own only-childhood.

It is indeed a bit of a lonely path being an only child. There are limits to how far a parent can fill the non-stop play needs of a young child. My mom certainly was, and still is with Stephen, one of the most accommodating and patient playmates one could imagine. But nonetheless a sibling connection is something completely different. Here is another person who can completely relate to all the same things you do and who is close enough to your age level to get into the same things you do. Especially for our family where we have created a loving and nurturing place for our kids to be happy together with sleep-sharing and just general emotional wholeness. Our kids genuinely love each other and enthusiastically relate with real interest for the others well-being. I believe school, with its emphasis on age segregation, can weaken these sibling bonds, but that’s another topic.

So not having that sibling connection as a young boy has I think left me with a certain paradoxical tendency to crave human connection, and yet also at the same to fear it. The little boy that found solace taking lengthy showers and escaping into his own little world there still sometimes comes out and keeps me in my comfort zone of isolating.

Seeing how our children relate and interact with each other makes me very happy that we did not stop with one. While each of them needs time to themselves and their own space at time, as a rule, they seek each other out for company and connection. I think this is a much healthier default way of being – to find solace, joy and happiness in connecting with another human being. The well-developed and happy sibling relationship provides the perfect proving ground for figuring out how to relate in a healthy way. It is a safe place to try things out. Often the kids’ play involves role-playing, acting out different scenarios. I think this is part of the process of practicing different kinds of human interaction as well.

Anyway, the main connection that I am coming away here for today is that my being an only child is a possible root cause for my reluctance to reach out and connect. I have never had a large group of friends. Basically, I was more or less alone with occasional play dates and one good friend that I can remember, John Thompson, until I met Fred who became a surrogate brother from 13 until 18 when I met you. From there forward, you have been my best friend.

Not sure where to go with this realization, but somehow it sheds light into my soul and makes this part of me a bit less mysterious. I am extremely grateful for my deep connection to you – our relationship has the history that makes it feel like you are the sister I never had.

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Denise Said

Let me catch my breath. I didn’t see that coming and it went directly to my heart and I am crying. A sister. You know what that means to me I am sure. Raising loving, kind children - two sisters and a brother - and watching them interact on a daily basis, and caring for them on a daily basis, has practically been my life for the past 17 years and to compare our children’s relationship as siblings to ourselves means the world to me. I take great pride in my role as mother and the choices I’ve made regarding attachment parenting. To be put into the role as a sister for a few moments given the high value I place on child-rearing is stunningly beautiful and loving. Thank you.

As we read daily about Gretchen and Jon’s struggle this past week with Gretchen’s serious illness and hospital stay, I felt there was an element of brotherly and sisterly love hovering over them as Jon never left the hospital. Sure they were acting like spouses too, yet to be so deeply connected to someone and to care for them feels more like kin.

I’m happy we decided to have more than one child too. Two women years ago warned me to not have just one, it was too lonely they both told me. There were days after we had two kids, and then three kids, that I had my doubts that this might just be the hardest thing a person ever had to do, but those doubts were short lived as watched our children dance (Stephen’s moves are crazy), laugh their loud belly laughs when they are sharing a sibling moment about the hamster or White Northern Beans that we don’t get at all, and sing to their heart’s content from Meet Me in St. Louis or Pirates of Penzance. These years are golden moments etched upon my heart and I cling to them not knowing when they might end.


I did like having a brother and sister to grow up with. To share a history with. Someone to get your life when you were a kid. Someone to share camaraderie with when parents fought. I think I took having siblings for granted though a little now reading your thoughts. They were just there. They just showed up one day. I love my siblings and when you called me your sister, deep feelings poured out of me from perhaps missing them because we now live far apart, and not under the same roof.


You and I have the history of siblings. I like that and am sorry I didn’t see it until now. I get to live with you as my best friend, be silly with you like a brother, and go to sleep with you every night as my husband for as long as we live –under the same roof.

Psychology of March

Denise Said

It’s half-past March. The Ides of March gone by and it’s officially spring as of yesterday. So far so good. I’ve had wobbly moments this month where I could have sunk into my usual late winter blues. This year I was determined though to approach the month , not fiercely dreading it, but looking forward to it, realizing it’s always been a creative time for me, despite illnesses and depressions of the past that always seemed to strike me at this time. I decided to think of myself like the earth in its last moments of winter, building up energy before bursting in bloom.

I can’t say it’s been a highly creative month except for making a few of my greeting cards and running another series of girls fertility/cycle classes (which I LOVED doing), however I have felt very healthy and happy. This week especially I felt a shift, a calmness, and a real gratitude for my life and my life with you Max. Maybe it was the 70 degree weather and sunshine and my taking the time to sit read an engrossing book, maybe it’s from being in a progesterone state of mind, maybe it was the loud, absolutely breathe-taking opera music I was listening to while driving home at night, maybe it was a peaceful moment reading to Stephen about dinosaurs and really feeling our placement on this planet in time, maybe it was from a deliciously quiet moment in a new library where I just sat and read a couple magazines. Maybe it was just my new approach to March.

The library moment gave me what I needed for today’s blog and another reason to feel grateful. When I walked into the Scotch Plains Library I wandered a little bit until I strongly felt a magnetic force pulling me to the magazine section. The first magazine I noticed, and not one that I have ever read or picked up before was Psychology Today (March/April 2010). The cover had a man and woman wearing comfy close-fitting beige underclothes doing a sort of swing embrace with the man lifting the woman in the air Fred Astaire-style - with the title The Love Fix in bold black catching my eye. I perused the magazine shelf a little more checking for Mothering Magazine, and my article, but it wasn’t there. (What’s wrong with that library? Ah…actually it might have been in the kids’ section.) So I kept perusing and found myself drawn back to the Psychology Today. I picked it up, found a cozy little odd chair and sat. I looked around me. No one was stopping me from sitting and enjoying myself. At one point a child came near and I panicked and thought “Oh no! She’s senses I’m a mother and needs my help!” But no she was just wandering my way.

I started in on the article, entitled The Expectations Trap by Hara Estroff Marano, and saw immediately why this article had found me. It was saying exactly the same things that we have been saying in our blog. Excitement struck through me! Holy Toledo! We are on the right track in our thinking about our marriage ideas. All our ideas were right there in black in white and so nicely written out by a professional writer. Max, I might let you go into more of the details, if you feel so inclined, since I think you would a better job of explaining the main points in the article. (I went out and bought the magazine two days later.) The entire ten-page article should be read by anyone in a marriage or thinking of getting married. And the photos! I loved the photos of the cover couple throughout the article stretching and twisting in different dance/yoga/gymnastic-like poses, which I think illustrated so beautifully the different aspects of the marriage dance. Sometimes we’re walking on the other person. Sometimes we’re flying out the door. Sometimes we’re in a most intimate embrace. The quote that struck me the most was this one: “Important as it is to chose the right partner, it’s probably more important to be the right partner. We focus on changing the wrong person.”

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Max Said

Unfortunately, it appears that March is messing with me instead this year :) I don’t really think this, but I am fighting some combination of a head cold and mild heat stroke I guess. Just the sudden heat and a push to finish building Stephen’s “Family Pond” I suppose. All this is to say that I a bit groggy as I sit down to write this entry.

I am very happy that you have found a different way to approach March this year. It really is true that anything in our lives is what we make it. I think your new outlook on this month is a sign of the shift you have made towards just taking ownership of your own happiness.

The Psychology Today article is a truly uncanny thing. That you would be drawn to even pick this magazine up out of the blue is enough to convince me that the universe has some plan going on here. But then to read the article and find that just about every major point in the article was mirrored by one of the blog posts we have made over the last few months sealed it for me. There are two things that I find extremely exciting and positive about these remarkable overlaps. First of all, it makes me realize that what you and I have distilled from our 20+ years of learning from and about our relationship are fundamental and universal truths about long-term committed relationships. The second is that these truths are being spoken intelligently and cogently in a major US publication.

The bottom-line conclusions that both the author of this article and we ourselves have independently reached are that having a successful relationship means dealing with our own issues and becoming conscious of the cultural messages that do not serve us so that we can make choices driven by our inner guidance systems. I believe that both of these conclusions apply to just about anything. Even March :)

I echo your excitement about the Pysch Today article and am going to recommend this as required reading to anyone that I know who is in or looking at entering a long-term committed relationship.

I am going to go before I have another sneezing fit.